Harry Potter: The Unwritten Truth
by MorganS
Summary: These are my goof tales, written twists on the book titles... Harry Pothead Anbd The Philosopher's Stoned... Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Sexperts... Harry Potter And The Prisioner Of... you'll see i don't want to spoil it too much.


This is going to be a one-shot fic, just for fun to see what kind of readers I have out there, it's just for fun, so go ahead and have fun with it, tell me what you liked about it, disliked about it, what you would change or not change and so on and so forth… catch my drift, I'm just playing with an idea here.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any such characters devised by J.K. Rowling, I don't even own the title of this story, I found it on a joke site and decided to run with it, but I DO own this story and anythign you read therein.

Harry Pothead and The Philosopher's Stoned 

Chapter One: (incase I get reviews telling me to go on with it) Mary Jane

sSs

For the third time in three days, ahrry andRon went up to the Room of Requirement in fits of giggles about what they were about to do. Ron laughed under his own breath, tapping ahrry on the shoulder.

"imagine what Hermione would have to say if she knew what we were up to." Harry began to laugh and then paced three times in front of the door concentrating on exactly what it was he wanted to be in that room when he opened the door. When he did open the door, a sly, impish grin crossed his face and he contined to laugh, moving inwards and turning to his friend.

"man I love being a Wizard." Harry laughed, seeing mounds of Marijuana piled upon gold plattera.Ron pointed to one of the platters.

"yesterday those were silver." He laughed idiotically, harry waving his wand, secuirng any –smells- as well as sounds from exiting the room, making the room itself a giant hotbox. Ron plodded over and flopped down on a blue velvet cushion upon the floor. "and these were Red…" he laughed some more, making Harry join in on the laughing as well. Yesterday's escapade had left them with plenty for the previous hours of the day, even if they had only taken a couple of Bags or so…harry's fingers twitched as he moved oert o a table, strategically placed in the corner, opening several drawers and pulling out a few objects.

"what'll it be tonight mate, the bong, the pipe or a simple Joint?" he asked, turning to his friend and sporting one of each ion his hands. Ron was pretending to contemplate it, without even knowing he was pretending, his attention moved over to one of the piles.

"woah, this stuff is purple mate." Harry laughed at him and Ron looked over cluelessly. "what were you saying Harry?" Harry furrowed his brow for a second and then noticed the weight in his hands and looked down.

"oh.." he said, Lifting the three objects, confusing himself. "which one?" Ron began over towards him, stumbling upon the edge of a rug.

"bloody fucking Carpets, next time we keep them out of this…" harry shook his head, grinning at the idiocy of his friend. Ron stopped in front of him and got his face really close to the objects in Harry's hands. "uh, the bong, good ol' Mary Jane, never done us wrong has she?"Harry shook his head and tucked the other two away and slowly made his way over to the cushions on the floor.

"so… what essay was it we were supposed to write tonight? Something about Kinkel Ferries orsumthin' like that?" he asked as he reached over and plucked a nice sized bud out of one of the piles, each sorted by flavor, after a bad orange-coffe tasting incident that left them scarred until their next rendevous. Ron laughed heartiously, falling backwards as Harry stuffed it into the top of the bong.

"don't you mean Finkel Kerries?" Ron laughed.

"no…" Harry coughed as he tried to blow out a gust of smoke and talk at the same time. "but it's close, I think it's finkel _Berries_. Suddenly ron sat up straight as a board and looked to the side, towards the door.

"d'you hear that?" her asked with wide eyes.

"what?" Harry asked, passing the bong towards his friend and watching him curiously. "I think you're hearing things mate…" he slowly let out another breath of smoke. Ron shook his head as he perched the torch so he could light up.

"no,. I heard something outside the door, I swear." As he lit up and continued on with his business, Ahrry crawled over to the door and put his ear up against it to listen for anything. After a few minutes, he came back, taking the bong back from Ron, who'd evidently forgotten what he;'d even said.

"eh Ron?" Harry inquired, putting his lips to the small opening of the bong and breathing in deep.

"what?" Ron asked calmly, seeming like he was relaxing. Harry removed his lips fron the hole and breathed in a deep breath of air.

"w-what's your favorite color?" Ron laughed, and then furrowed his brow as Harry grinned and passed the bong back. ron followed the same steps as his comerade, thinking as much as he could while he performed that task.

"uh.." he too breathed in deeply. "'ats a good un, I like…" he cobnsequently glancedover at the piles surrounding them. "purple, definately Purple" Harry raised both brows as he took the bong back and began to empty the bowl of it's contents, re-filling it this time with the purple stuff, because for some reason, his mind had fallen upon purple,like a rining in his ears… "you?" Ron asked after a few moments of silence.

"me… Me what?"Harry asked as he lit up and began all over again with the new bowl. Ron furropwed his brows.

"huh?" he asked, being passed the bong and having an air of smoke blown into his face suddenly as Harry coughed, making him cough as well. The doorhandle rattled and clicked and the door opened, revealing a figure in the fog of all the smiopke.

"ahhh, what is… who…?" Ron heard the voice and tried to hide the bong behind his back.

"Harry, you forgot to lock the door.." he hissed at Harry, Harry's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as the door closed and the figure got closer.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice questioned and they saw fuzzy shapes of her swatting at the smoke. "Ron?" she questioned, seeing the two of them sitting there. "what have you two been up to?" Ron begamn to turn red and shifted, but suddenly pulled his hand forward.

"bloody hell, that bowl get's hot after a while…" he dropped the bong upon the floor after burning his little finger on it, lertting it roll off behind his back. hermione movedover and picked it up, examining it curiously.

"is..is this…?" she batted at the smoke some more."is this what I think it is." Harry leaned backewards on his hands and looked up at her innocently, lifting an eyebrow with inquiry.

"what exactly do you think it is…?" he asked her. She looked to him and conveniently leabned forward, examing his face.

"and… your eyes are all red." She trauiled off, seeing the piles of green as the smoke began to clear. "NO!" she gasped, looking from one to the other, then to the bong.

Ron stood shakily and pried the bong from her fingers.

"you should have a go Hermione." She shook her head.

"there is now way on earth I'm going to… to… to…do that!" Ron laughed, Harry stood beside him and watched her.

"you don't have to do that, we have a pipe, it's easier to use, or a joint, that's the easiest…" Hermione flicked his forehead, making him flinch, after a few second before he actually realzed what she'd done.

"hey!" he said, more than fashionably late, she shook her head at him.

"no way am I going to do that, wether it be with a … a pipe or.. a joint aor whatever this silly contrapton this may be called." She poitned at the bong in Ron's hands. Ron sneered at her.

"It…" he said, pulling it closer to him and cradlng it in his arms."is a bong and HER name is Mary Jane if you don't mind, Bongs have feeligns too you know…." He turned tolook down at the bonmg in his clutches. "don't you baby." Harry began laughing at him and nearly fell backward on his ass. "what?" Ron asked dumbly, but Harry, trying to stifle his laughter, turned toHermione, his eyes narrowed un-purposefully.

"c'mon 'mione, it's safer than Pipeweed and it's all-natural, just like you like things… just try it, f you don't…" he trailed off, looking to Ron, who was caressing the blueglass of the bong. "what're you doing?" Ron looked up suddenly.

"huh?" he asked, but noticed something on the wall and made his way towards it.Harry turned to Hermione.,

"c'mon 'mione, it's safer than Pipeweed and it's all-natural, just like you like things… just try it, f you don't…" he trailed off, picking at his robes. "is it hot in here or is it just me?" She watched him oddl, having spent enough time in the giant hotbox that her mind was becomeing befuddled with sudden weird urges. Harry dropepd his claok and turned to her again.

"c'mon 'mione, it's safer than Pipeweed and it's all-natural, just like you like things… just try it…" she cut hi off, placing a soft hand on his shoulder.

"you ve said that already.."s eh trailed off, looking to ron to see him chasing something around the room, Mary Jane still clutched in his grasp as he jumped from spot to spot.("gotcha you dirty little… bloody hell, where'd you go?")

"c'mon 'mione…"s he cut him off again, placing her hand firmly over his lips, lokng from Ron to the bong and back to Harry and then Fixing her eyes on the bong, playing a firm game of ping pong in her mind. 'I'm not the goody-goody they all think I am,. Maybe this'd show 'em' she thought to herself, surprising herselfas she tooka seat camly.

"fine.." she trailed on, rolling her eyes.

sSs

MorganS.

it's really just a joke, you've heard it called that before, so i tried it out, and i plann on making twists to the book titles...

to all possible reviewers:

i hope you had fun reading this, it was a goof idea, just for fun when i was really down in the dumps.

sincerely,


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